This is Not the Boogle Memorial Dating Advice/Tips Thread, No
Wednesday, November 17th, 2010 - 10:15pm
This is just a tribute.
Now don't ruin it with off-topic crap. Ruin this one and we probably don't get another one.
I'll restate the opener of the last one: Post here to share dating tips, or ask or answer dating questions.
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But this is a tribute!
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I'll start it off. I can't remember if I mentioned it in the other thread, but I find asking someone out to be yet another aspect of life that you can neatly apply the rule of three to.
If I ask a girl out or try to make plans three times in a row, and receive only vague negative responses or cancellations without any feedback whatsoever that implies interest or that we should reschedule (like, "I'm working Saturday, but how about lunch Sunday?"), I move on. I feel like a lot of my friends continue to throw themselves at girls time after time until it develops into an unhealthy obsession for them and the girls become annoyed at their failure to take a hint. I'm not sure if that's due to ego or people naturally wanting what they can't have.
Everyone knows someone with a story about persistence, but in my experience nine times out of time it ends in a restraining order, not marriage.
And sometimes moving on works out for the best. The last girl I thought wasn't interested, who gave me absolutely nothing to go on, call me a few days after I gave up on her, and we had a great time. It didn't work out, but still.
"YOU SPOIL, YOU GET SPOILED! AAAAHAHAHAHAHA!"
I think it is best stated that the rule of three not be applied by asking a woman out three times with five seconds between each attempt.
I'll tell my story later when I'm not so tired. Mostly just marking this so I can bring up my "progress" later.
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Yes. Avoiding the "Are we there yet?" approach to courtship is probably best no matter what activity you're currently engaged in.
"YOU SPOIL, YOU GET SPOILED! AAAAHAHAHAHAHA!"
I, unfortunately, have no progress to report. I did get hit on by a drunk girl who could barely stand last weekend. Now that I mention it, the only time I seem to get hit on is when the girl is super wasted. Maybe I should lower my standards.... though I do have a problem committing a felony.... stupid standards.
Edit: Also, I'm really not that desperate to get laid.
Fletcher wrote:
And the peculiar thing is this my friends:
the posts we wrote on that fateful thread didn't actually look
anything like these posts!
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Quote:
Yeah, lots of people like the thrill of going after something they can't have, even if they don't realize it.
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Rat Boy wrote:
Tell me about it. *le sigh*
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It's a good rule, but even three is more than I'd usually bother with - I tend to give up after being knocked back twice. I figure that although the first time could be that she was surprised (which is itself a bad sign), or having a bad day or something like that, by the second time she'll have thought about the first time you asked, and if she's still not interested, game over. While persistence will occasionally pay off, so will buying lotto tickets.
Yeah, I've been wanting to hear what happened with that waitress.
My current dating irritation is that there are two girls who seem somewhat interested (but might also just be single + friendly), and I'm somewhat interested (but not especially so). Normally I'd have a crack just to stop myself thinking about it, but we have enough friends in common and see each other regularly enough that the potential weirdness doesn't seem worth it given the low interest levels. This may be one of those problems that is best solved with alcohol.
As an afterthought, my equivalent of a Day[9] Funday Monday for this thread: if you're out drinking with a female friend, try casually/jokingly mentioning to her that women make terrible wingmen. Did this the other day (without any ulterior motive, I might add) and it had entertaining results.
SpacePPoliceman wrote:
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Yeah, I agree. Two attempts are usually enough for me. I may try a third time if there are seemingly legitimate reasons, along with fairly strong indicators of interest, the first two times.
Yep, drunken hookup, preferably with both present, seems like the least perilous solution there. And I'm only slightly kidding.
Did she take it as a challenge to get you hooked up?
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Mystic Violet wrote:
Least perilous - and most awesome!
...ohhh, that's not what you meant by both present.
Of course! But rather more so than if I'd just asked/challenged her directly.
SpacePPoliceman wrote:
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Well, if things go well....
Nice. I can imagine a girl out to prove something would work very hard.
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Mystic Violet wrote:
I'd post my tips, but they would probably lead to relationships that survive on a careful balance of paranoia, delusions, euphoria, conspiracy theories, and countless nearly successful attempts by one party to off the other. All I can say is, try to avoid putting yourself in a situation where you find you must divorce the first three. You'll only end up being outlived by the fourth.
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Marked for future reference.
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Tagging for advice goodness and future knowledge sharing.
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Huh, why'd they close the other one? Was it my perreando videos?
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About two or three weeks ago I was out canvassing signatures for the mayoral race and I spoke to a very attractive woman who actually questioned me about the candidate. When she questioned me I realized that my knowledge on the candidate was a bit scant but I managed to convince her to sign anyway. When getting signatures you are required to put down your address as proof you live in the city. While I am not in the position to pursue this now, I was extremely tempted to mail her information on the candidate with a letter asking her to meet for a drink and discuss it further. Would that have been weird and/or inappropriate?
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Probably. That or the feminism discussion that sent it to Cleveland.
A little, but you shouldn't let that stop you.
m0nk3yboy:To quote a McElroy, he Supermaned the sh*t out of me on the handlebars. He bleeped the bleep, out of my bleep, bleep bleep, bleep, bleep. That man has STAMINA!
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Yes.
If you wanted to ask her out, you should have done it when she was there. Using the information she wrote down on the petition is creepy, stalker-ish behavior. She didn't give you that information with the intent that you'd use it to contact her, so don't use it in that way.
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Nonsense, just say you're interested in polling the constituency.
"Men like sex, thus boobies! Oogaba!" - dejanzie
"Butt hat is my opinion and we all know how far that goes around here." - Demonicmaster
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Yes, it's a little weird and inappropriate. But don't let that stop you, just let it inform the method by which you go about it.
Make it as un-creepy as possible. Drop a handwritten note in her letterbox (for some reason, this seems less creepy than mailing it - maybe not) saying who you are, that she seemed really nice, and that you'd like to get to know her better.
Then, suggest a time and place that you'll be in a bar/coffeeshop near where she lives, and that if she'd like to get to know you better too, she should go there at that time. If not, she should throw the letter away, and you'd both get on with your separate lives. Drop your email address at the bottom in case she wants to schedule a different time.
That way, she's the one calling the shots, you're not a creepy stalker, and maybe, just maybe, you might get a new hot ladyfriend.
You don't ask, you don't get.
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LarryC wrote:
Also maybe throw in some pictures of Zoey and say she might want to dress like that so you'll recognize her.
m0nk3yboy:To quote a McElroy, he Supermaned the sh*t out of me on the handlebars. He bleeped the bleep, out of my bleep, bleep bleep, bleep, bleep. That man has STAMINA!
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This was mostly along the lines of what I was thinking. My current hot lady friend is the main reason I didnt do it though.
Your knowledge of scientific biological transmogrification is only outmatched by your zest for Kung Fu treachery.
Possy Niblet Posse
I'm with Clockwork. Using information you've acquired through work is a bit creepy and skirts some ethical boundaries. I work in a library at a university. Imagine what would happen if our staff wasn't trained to avoid doing things exactly like that. Library records, class schedules, university information, etc.
Sometimes you just have to let things go. If you run into her again, sure, say "Hey, weren't you that girl..." Otherwise, just let it be a lesson that guides future behavior.
Don't think about it that way. A casual drink is just that, casual. You don't have to be especially interested. Maybe you'll click and the interest will grow. Maybe one of you will lose interest, and then that kind of resolves it. Or maybe you both just want to spend time with someone you're vaguely interested in. Short of a situation where the girl makes it clear she's interested in a relationship, and you're not but you sleep with her anyway, the fallout from just spending some time together is going to be minimal.
If they're just friendly, you've made a new friend.
I've done this once to a female friend, and it was a disaster. It just became a self-fulfilling prophecy of girls being terrible wingmen.
On the other side of the equation, I think I'm an alright wingman for a girl. Although it's mostly a habit I've developed to make it clear that I am not dating a female friend when we're out together. Make a joke about how everyone always thinks you're dating, but that you're not. Compliment her in some way. And then let everything else work itself out.
And to be fair, their positives kind of sell themselves. A girl doesn't need me to be like, "Damn, look at how hot she is! And she ran a half iron man last week. And her dissertation is on how punk rock can rehabilitate inner city youth."
"YOU SPOIL, YOU GET SPOILED! AAAAHAHAHAHAHA!"
While agree with the basic sentiment of being pro-active to avoid being perceived as creepy, something about going to their home when they aren't around and leaving notes just doesn't cut it.
If you're going to try with this girl, you'll have to be direct with your intentions. Anything subtle might be read as manipulative or sociopathic since you're starting on the wrong side of the stalker line as it is. So if you do go to their home, I'd recommend knocking on the door and using your personality to squash any doubts the girl might have. A note and the circumstances around it can be read many ways, but it's much harder to miss-read a person in face-to-face communication. While talking, your goal should be to establish a more normal line of communication so you don't have to keep going to this girl's house at random.
To be taken with salt.
<+Vector_> I was imitating you, like a parrot imitating a dumber parrot Steam
I don't know. I find each successive suggestion that involves bringing yourself in some way physically closer to the girl in question to also become increasingly frightening.
Picture it like this. In the first scenario, okay, so he mailed something. Maybe a bit weird. In the second, he came to your house when you weren't there and that's... unsettling. In the third, while it may be harder to misread someone, you've also just removed her option to gracefully and passively decide to reject you, if you've misread the situation.
"YOU SPOIL, YOU GET SPOILED! AAAAHAHAHAHAHA!"
I agree. I was operating under the assumption that all Nate has is an address, and no phone number, e-mail address, etc. I'd recommend those avenues first. And I also agree with Clockwork that this crosses some ethical lines. But I don't know the specifics of what went down at the original conversation, and I also know that it's always creepy to talk to strangers in public, unless they want you too, then it's perfectly fine.
<+Vector_> I was imitating you, like a parrot imitating a dumber parrot Steam
If I signed a petition and a few weeks later had the person I dealt with show up on my doorstep or leave a hand-written note in my mailbox (for non-official business), I'd be seriously creeped out. A letter asking to meet for drinks would be weird and inappropriate, but active contact would be genuinely troubling. I'd call the campaign, at the very least, to complain about the unprofessional actions of their workers.
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You have to make the girl want you, if you have managed that, things get easier afterwards! I know.. there is the actual problem, how do you make the girl want you. Well, can't say that's the easy part, but it's all about the attitude. If you have the fear to talk to her, she will totally dominate you. We know that we have a certain power upon you.
You have to seem confident, be a bit funny, and a bit shy - I like the shyness part the most, of course after we get to talk a bit, because if you won't come to me..it's hard to think that I will come to u :p atm i am a bit busy, if you have any questions I'm here :)